1
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,560
My name is Mr. Candy.

2
00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:22,600
My, what a nice looking group of
students.

3
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:26,020
Who can tell me what I'm holding in my
hand?

4
00:00:26,740 --> 00:00:28,940
Uh, your nads?

5
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:31,610
No,

6
00:00:32,850 --> 00:00:33,850
my right hand.

7
00:00:34,490 --> 00:00:35,670
Is it a candy bar?

8
00:00:36,030 --> 00:00:37,730
It's more than just a candy bar.

9
00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:39,490
It's the future of your school.

10
00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:42,250
Now, who'd like a candy bar?

11
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:46,410
Who would like a hundred candy bars?

12
00:00:48,070 --> 00:00:52,370
Because I've got them here with me
today, and I plan on giving them all

13
00:00:52,730 --> 00:00:56,030
But there's a candy bar. I'm not giving
them to you to eat.

14
00:00:57,150 --> 00:00:58,990
I'm giving them to you to sell.

15
00:00:59,870 --> 00:01:04,510
Selling candy is a fun way to help
yourself and the school.

16
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:05,890
All right, losers.

17
00:01:06,190 --> 00:01:10,930
Remember, you are competing against
other classes, and I'll be damned if my

18
00:01:10,930 --> 00:01:12,050
class is going to lose.

19
00:01:12,710 --> 00:01:14,810
Hey, yo, homie. How much you give me for
this?

20
00:01:15,190 --> 00:01:16,190
This right here?

21
00:01:16,570 --> 00:01:20,250
This ain't worth nothing, man, but I
will give you one on the radio.

22
00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:25,470
How come Coolio has to sell stuff to me?
I thought he was like a big, rich rap

23
00:01:25,470 --> 00:01:26,470
star. Yeah.

24
00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:30,830
It's like all these rap dudes always get
ripped off by the man.

25
00:01:31,130 --> 00:01:32,330
Really? That sucks.

26
00:01:32,790 --> 00:01:35,990
They gotta find the man, you know, like
find out where he lives. You don't have

27
00:01:35,990 --> 00:01:37,770
to go beat the crap out of him. Yeah,
really.

28
00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:39,330
Whoa,

29
00:01:39,630 --> 00:01:40,630
check it out. Yeah.

30
00:01:41,610 --> 00:01:42,850
Young Coolio.

31
00:01:44,590 --> 00:01:46,930
Coolio. I am Coolio.

32
00:01:49,850 --> 00:01:50,850
Coolio rule.

33
00:01:56,510 --> 00:01:59,270
This kind of reminds me of that Stanford
and Son show.

34
00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:00,650
Oh, yeah, yeah.

35
00:02:01,010 --> 00:02:02,110
I remember that show.

36
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:03,910
That's just how fun it is.

37
00:02:05,090 --> 00:02:07,410
Come on. Come on. I'm going to have a
heart attack.

38
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:08,670
This is the big one.

39
00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:10,169
Weezy, I'm coming to see you.

40
00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:12,210
Yeah.

41
00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:14,150
He was cool.

42
00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:17,810
I like that show because there was,
like, lots of garbage everywhere.

43
00:02:18,190 --> 00:02:19,190
Yeah.

44
00:02:21,170 --> 00:02:25,490
That was a black dude. It's like...

45
00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:29,150
I'd grow my hair into, like, a really
big afro, like, three feet tall and

46
00:02:29,290 --> 00:02:32,310
and then I'd cut out a big hole in the
middle, like, just to keep stuff, you

47
00:02:32,310 --> 00:02:33,009
know? Yeah.

48
00:02:33,010 --> 00:02:36,410
You know, I could put, like, some nachos
in there, you know, my keys, you know,

49
00:02:36,410 --> 00:02:37,168
stuff like that.

50
00:02:37,170 --> 00:02:38,170
That would be cool.

51
00:02:39,470 --> 00:02:43,330
You ought to just, like, keep all that
stuff in your butthole, Beavis.

52
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:45,250
Oh, yeah.

53
00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:55,130
Now, our candy bars are personalized
with your school's name on the wrapper,

54
00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:56,990
they're a real bargain at only $2 each.

55
00:02:57,590 --> 00:02:59,650
Heck, they practically sell themselves.

56
00:03:00,410 --> 00:03:06,470
Now, what if I told you that the richest
man in the world... Well,

57
00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:14,090
you two seem to be real know -it -alls.

58
00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:18,190
Why don't you tell us what you're going
to say when a customer says no?

59
00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:26,020
I'd say... Well,

60
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:33,300
I wish you luck, but it seems we're out
of time.

61
00:03:36,060 --> 00:03:40,380
Yeah? Uh, are schools making us sell
candy?

62
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,200
Yeah. We're losers.

63
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,860
What in the hell kind of sales approach
is that?

64
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,860
You boys couldn't sell a dollar for 50
cents.

65
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:53,720
Uh, they're two dollars, sir. Yeah,
don't try to rip them off. Butt wipe.

66
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:57,340
Hmm.

67
00:03:58,020 --> 00:03:59,920
Well, I've only got two dollars.

68
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,198
Buy one from me.

69
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,940
No way, buy one from me. Cut it out. Get
out of the way. I'll, like, sell mine

70
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,000
for half price, sir.

71
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:07,760
Yeah, yeah, me too.

72
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:09,000
Half price?

73
00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:10,420
Well, now you're talking.

74
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,320
Here, why don't I take one from each of
you?

75
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:17,980
You boys better start charging full
price. I'm sure your school can't afford

76
00:04:17,980 --> 00:04:18,980
lose money.

77
00:04:23,950 --> 00:04:25,130
Selling stuff sucks.

78
00:04:25,970 --> 00:04:26,970
Yeah.

79
00:04:27,990 --> 00:04:28,990
Hey, Beavis.

80
00:04:29,150 --> 00:04:31,010
I'll buy one of your candy bars for a
dollar.

81
00:04:31,290 --> 00:04:32,290
No way.

82
00:04:32,490 --> 00:04:33,490
They're two dollars.

83
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:34,690
Uh,

84
00:04:35,270 --> 00:04:37,790
then can you, like, loan me a dollar?

85
00:04:38,010 --> 00:04:41,150
No way, because then you'll have, like,
two dollars and I, like, won't have any.

86
00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:44,110
Come on, Beavis. I'll buy one from you.

87
00:04:44,390 --> 00:04:47,090
That way you'll sell a candy bar plus
you'll have two dollars.

88
00:04:49,010 --> 00:04:50,190
Um, okay.

89
00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:51,570
Cool.

90
00:04:58,990 --> 00:04:59,990
Let me have some. Come on.

91
00:05:00,370 --> 00:05:01,370
No way.

92
00:05:02,490 --> 00:05:04,170
I'll sell you one for two dollars.

93
00:05:05,050 --> 00:05:06,050
Okay.

94
00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:10,830
This town sucks.

95
00:05:11,410 --> 00:05:13,070
We're never going to sell any candy.

96
00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:14,789
Hey, buddy.

97
00:05:14,790 --> 00:05:16,950
You're going to try one of these. I got
peanuts. It's really good.

98
00:05:18,130 --> 00:05:19,130
Oh, yeah?

99
00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:21,430
Cool.

100
00:05:25,270 --> 00:05:27,870
Hey, Beavis. Want to buy a candy bar
from me?

101
00:05:28,170 --> 00:05:29,270
Um, okay.

102
00:05:32,450 --> 00:05:33,850
Wanna buy one from me?

103
00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:35,530
Uh, okay.

104
00:05:40,570 --> 00:05:42,310
Selling candy's pretty cool.

105
00:05:43,950 --> 00:05:44,950
Yeah.

106
00:05:56,910 --> 00:05:57,990
This is horrible.

107
00:05:58,290 --> 00:05:59,290
Yeah, really.

108
00:06:01,890 --> 00:06:06,130
Bunch of rich kids, sissy boys, prancing
around on a boat. Yeah.

109
00:06:11,850 --> 00:06:12,850
Whoa,

110
00:06:14,030 --> 00:06:15,070
check it out. Don Henley.

111
00:06:15,390 --> 00:06:16,750
I didn't know he was a wolf.

112
00:06:17,730 --> 00:06:18,730
You didn't?

113
00:06:19,890 --> 00:06:23,030
Where have you been, Viva? He's a total
wolf.

114
00:06:23,530 --> 00:06:24,530
Really?

115
00:06:24,850 --> 00:06:25,850
Yeah.

116
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:30,840
Anytime you see a dude on TV and he's,
like, trying to save some forest or

117
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:34,060
something, it means he's a total wussy.
Really?

118
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,580
Yeah. Let me see.

119
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,660
Sting, yeah, he's a wuss.

120
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:39,799
Let's see.

121
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,560
Well, Ted Danson, yeah, he's a wussy.
Yeah.

122
00:06:44,940 --> 00:06:47,080
And don't forget Jackson Brown.

123
00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:54,340
Look at that. He's, like, fiddling
around with a dead guy's boots.

124
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:59,880
Whoa. That's scary, Butthead. What if
after I die, like, some guy comes around

125
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,240
and fiddles around with my wiener?

126
00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:04,300
Well, what, Beavis? You'd be dead. It
doesn't matter.

127
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,400
Yeah, I guess so.

128
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:11,040
I guess if I was out in the ocean with a
dead chick, I'd probably kiss her.

129
00:07:12,260 --> 00:07:14,120
I'd kiss a dead chick right here.

130
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,400
Yeah, so would I, yeah.

131
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:21,760
But that's kind of messed up, Butthead.
I know. I was just kidding, Beavis.

132
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,240
You were probably serious.

133
00:07:25,710 --> 00:07:26,710
Well, no.

134
00:07:27,050 --> 00:07:28,050
Not really.

135
00:07:32,470 --> 00:07:33,990
Excellent job, class.

136
00:07:35,230 --> 00:07:37,350
Hey, butthead, remember that dollar I
borrowed to you?

137
00:07:37,850 --> 00:07:39,430
Uh, oh, yeah.

138
00:07:40,150 --> 00:07:41,430
I remember it.

139
00:07:41,810 --> 00:07:43,310
Yeah, me too.

140
00:07:44,570 --> 00:07:47,270
Um, oh, yeah, I, like, need it back.

141
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:53,110
Well, boys, let's see. The big sellers.

142
00:07:53,450 --> 00:07:54,450
How'd you do?

143
00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:56,260
We sold every one of them, dude.

144
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,040
Yeah, they practically sold themselves.

145
00:08:00,260 --> 00:08:04,340
Well, maybe there's hope for you yet.
Don't touch me, asswipe!

146
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:07,780
So, where's the money? Right here, dude.

147
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:09,600
There you go.

148
00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:11,919
That's it?

149
00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,540
There'd better be a hell of a lot more
money than that, boys.

150
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,540
Nope, that's all of it, dude.

151
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:17,960
Two dollars.

152
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,800
Yeah, you can count it if you want.

153
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,800
I don't believe you.

154
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,780
I want you to give me everything you've
got in your pocket.

155
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:28,860
Hey, Beavis, he wants what's in your
pocket.

156
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,039
You're a pocket fisherman.

157
00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:36,840
Oh, no, you're not going to pull that
again. It took me six months to get

158
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,960
another job. Now give me the rest of the
money, you little twerp. He's trying to

159
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,380
touch my wiener. Let go, pervert.

160
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:47,220
Kick him in the nads, Beavis. You too,
you little tarter. What the hell are you

161
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:49,060
doing? This is my class.

162
00:08:51,910 --> 00:08:53,470
Wait your turn, jarhead.

163
00:08:54,230 --> 00:08:59,470
You just made a fatal mistake, Mr. Candy
Ass.

164
00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:02,430
I hope you know something about hand -to
-hand combat.

165
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:05,230
Oh, you're going down, soldier boy.

166
00:09:10,970 --> 00:09:11,970
Whoa.

167
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:21,820
This kind of rocks.

168
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,540
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like long hair
and drum.

169
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,000
Yeah.

170
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,640
You can't lose with that.

171
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,320
There should be more bands like this.

172
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:40,840
There's about a million bands like this,
Viva. I know, I know. There needs to be

173
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:41,840
more.

174
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,760
There should be one of these speed metal
bands like everywhere.

175
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,240
Like in the mall and, you know, like...

176
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,140
I guess that would be pretty cool.

177
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,940
They should have, like, something in
your house where you can just, like,

178
00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:05,020
it on and see a band like this and,
like, turn it up really loud.

179
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,600
That's a good idea, Beaver.

180
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,680
You'd think they would have come up with
something like that by now. Yeah, yeah.

181
00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:13,960
I should, like, go to shop class and,
like, work on it.

182
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,280
Whoa, check out all that money.

183
00:10:16,580 --> 00:10:18,560
Yeah, yeah, money, money, money.

184
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:23,000
I wonder if all that money is, like, the
band's money or if they just had to,

185
00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:24,660
like, go rent it to make this video.

186
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:29,740
We should, like, rent some money and
then just go, like, spend it on stuff.

187
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:34,680
Yeah. You're full of good ideas today,
Viva.

188
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,120
Yeah.

189
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,320
You see?

190
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,800
You should listen to me once in a while,
dumbass.

191
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,140
Viva, I got a good idea.

192
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:44,860
Shut up.

193
00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:49,460
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